Mental Healing

The first time I got sick, I followed dietary and treatment recommendations of Dr. Mercola and Terry Wahls and Direct-MS and healed very well physically. I then came across the high percentage of success recorded from a diet by Dr. Seignalet which was very similar to Dr. Mercola's recommendations. There were issues, however, that could not be addressed by diet. Underlying emotional issues, which I discovered 3 months into my bout with my first illness to be the underlying cause of my anxiety and angst for the previous years and my MS. Like this illness would find a way for me to deal with these issues one way or another. Good diet or not, this was going down. Staring these issues face to face. Counseling is something I found to be a huge help to me when I could go. At one point during my 2nd illness, I was too sick to make it to counseling. This was a point of contention between my family members and I.  I believe my lack of counseling is a big part of my depression over the past year. Holding onto things and wanting things I would have been better off without. To be honest, I've been disappointed with the way I healed from the 2nd illness. After the 1st illness, I was bold, passionate, and thought of helping many others with the things i'd learned as a higher priority than helping myself. Recovery from the 2nd illness was defined in part by opening up to people and by the prayers and well wishes of others and the continued desire to help others, but also by retreating to be alone. I went to live by myself at my Aunt's shore house for almost a month because I could not take daily arguments with family members in my weakened state. And also defined by a hyponosis-like treatment which helped me heal physically and release a lot of stress....but in the long run, left me feeling passive, timid, and empty inside. But life goes on. As I continued to get healthier and healthier, in late 2014, the negative emotions would bubble to the surface. I would hit a ceiling and wouldn't be able to heal anymore until I dealt with the issues, whether that was apologizing to someone i'd hurt, or more often, confronting someone who'd hurt me to let them know what they did and how I felt. And there are so many more issues which are so obviously a big deal when I think about them. One is that I feel isolated by the things i've learned many things in the past 3 years which moved me toward alternative medicine. I now hold controversial health and political issues. I honestly feel that I can't quite be myself around anyone 100% that I can think of right now without offending someone. Maybe 99% around someone. But, I believe in happy endings and as often as I tell other people that their physical issues are not irreversible, some of these people having visibly significant impairments, I'm going to know that myself as well. That my mental issues, are not irreversible.

PS. I think an important lesson is that, when you have a serious illness, injury, etc., it's important not only to heal, but to heal the right way...Because how you heal really does, in part, define you. And you don't want to be healed and unhappy, or healed and not yourself/not the person you want to be. Sometimes I feel like God is showing me all of the sides of MS... The physical issues, the mental issues, one after another,... the vision, the weakness,(less weak than most), the sickness, the having to stay home and be out of work, the loneliness, etc. thankfully for me, I'd say that, although t's been very intense in many ways, the symptoms have lasted a shorter time than most.